aithful followers...This may be one of my last blogs. That makes me really sad for some reason.... this blog has been my outlet for my emotions, listened to my stories, collected my thoughts, and kept me grounded when I felt really good or really bad. So, my dear followers... thank you. Plain and simple. When I started this blog ... it was more to keep my Rotary club at home and my family up to date. Now, it has turned into so much more. It isn't for others anymore... it is for me. That might sound selfish, but what I mean to say is that I wrote this for me. I didn't write it for anyone. I wrote it for me. To express myself... to express these feelings! To express myself when I couldn't express myself in French! To express myself when I felt like nobody else would listen! So, thank you for listening to the story.
I now have less than 2 weeks here and it is kind of hitting me in a weird way.
I'm a person who is addicted to adrenaline rushes. I like the feeling of adventure. I like the feeling of control and then in a split second losing that. I like the feeling of being busy. I like the feeling of knowing who I am and what I'm going to do. But yet... I am a person who needs down time. I need time to collect myself after going hard. I'm the party girl who can make the most of any situation but I'm also the nerdy, spiritual girl. I'm a mixture of two worlds that normally don't come together... and I'm
experiencing some weird things my last few days here. When I'm being the party girl ... I'm on this high! I'm on this high of never wanting to leave this place that I have a life in now. I embrace everything here. I am beyond happy and bask in this moment with my friends that I consider some of my best friends. I don't want it to end... but when the moment finally has to come to an end and I'm all alone in the calmness of my thoughts... that is when I want to come home. I miss America. I miss my family. I miss my friends. I miss it. When the dust settles... I am homesick. I think it is perfect timing... it is normal. It is the next step. My year is almost over. My year is coming to an end and it is time to get ready for the next step of my life to start. I ready to say Hello... I'm tired of saying Goodbye.I just recently got an e-mail from my Rotary Club from America... it has all these documents to help abroad students get ready for coming home and for being home. The title of one document is "How I Have Changed from my Experience? An Awareness Exercise for Returned Exchange Students". It is 100% cheesy... but it talks about a lot of the things I'm trying to figure out for myself right now. It lists 44 ways
that someone might be changed after a year abroad in a foreign country... as if a complete sentence to capture our change is enough. At the end of the document it says, "Go back now and place an extra check mark by 3 or 4 changes that seem the strongest (or most significant)." Now, before I go and be all against this group project to interpret intense feelings... it has kind of helped me. It has helped me focus and really analyze my year abroad... which I have already been doing even before I got this e-mail. I think every exchange student has been doing that the moment they stepped off the plane and started really living. You analyze things in order to understand something better... but the thing with me is that I used to be the person who over analyzed things so much that I killed them. My mind would take over and I would lose the magic of the moment because my brain wanted to be in control of it. So, I think I was pleasantly surprised by my laughter when I read this e-mail. A year ago, I would have eaten this little exercise up! I would have sat down with a pen and paper and written a few sentences (or more) elaborating. But now... I laugh at it. Now, I laugh at it! Maybe I'll do it but in no way am I going to put a little star by all the things that fit me... no! I'm going to make up my own changes! So... my first change is that I laugh at this exercise! And that in itself is... a beautiful thing. I will do t
his exercise but not in order to win the title of Miss Most Changed Teen ... but to express myself. I already knew that I have changed and you, my faithful followers who have read every blog post, know that too... but now I'm putting it in some complete sentences (like an educated person would do). I don't think I could narrow my changes down to 3 or 4 things so instead I have made 4 areas of change that I see...First area - THE OBVIOUS
I have improved my ability to speak a foreign language, might I dare to say that I am "fluent". I am more knowledgeable about another culture and lifestyle, duh. I have more curiosity for the world around me. Oh, and I have successfully gained 15 pounds in Belgium... happily.
Second group - OTHERS AND SITUATIONS
I'm more flexible and able to adjust to others, instead of making others adjust to me. I'm more tolerant of ambiguous situations and save the stressing for the big stuff. I have more of an ability to see myself objectively... as others see me. I am more balanced in my judgments of situations and others. I am more capable of solving life's day-to-day problems without feeling overwhelmed and stressed. Bird
by Bird (great book, you all should read that). I feel that I need fewer friends in order to be happy, but have more deeper relationships with people. Quality over quanity (that isn't a book, but a great life saying!) I feel a greater need to have diverse experiences and friends, no more sticking with the same old same old.Third group -MYSELF
I'm more confident in myself and assertive in new situations...as if I could get more bossy. I'm more able to share my thoughts and express deep emotions with others (in French as well as English. Bonus points?). I have increased my capacity to experience and take risks... the moments that take your breath away are the moments that I live for. I understand more fully my own strengths and weaknesses. I'm more determined to fully develop my skills and talents instead of letting them waste away in my laziness. I am more likely to do things spontaneously instead of wasting time planning them out and getting everyone's okay... just do it! I'm more confident about the decisions I make and the consequences that come with
them. I need more time to be alone and to reflect. I am more comfortable being alone, enjoying my own company, instead of always feeling like I need to be with someone in order to have fun.Fourth group - MY PERSPECTIVE ON THE WORLD
I am more aware of the opportunities in life that are open to me and I'm more appreciative of the opportunities that I have had and will have. I have more curiosity about and respect for new ideas, instead of judging things that I don't understand. I feel more surely that there are common bonds unite all human beings. I have a deeper understanding of the problems that confront all human beings. I have a greater awareness of political, economic, and social events occurring around the world... and how I want to make an impact in these areas of the world.
I feel like I have changed in more ways than words can express... but I guess that is up to the people at home to judge and for me to just keep living. I like who I am today.
So, I wanted to do something special and analyze a song that has really touched me this past week, remember when I used to do that? It is called "Kick Ass" by MIKA.
We are young
We are strong
We're not looking for where we belong
We're not cool
We are free
And we're running with blood on our knees
We could rule the world
On a silver platter
From the wrong to the right light
To an open stream
With a crash and burn
We could make it better
Turn it upside down
Just you and me
We are the dream
No other way
To be
The whole reason I decided to st
ay later than all my fellow exchange students in this little country called Belgium was to experience a Belgian Summer... to experience it like the first and last Summer I'll ever have like this. To appreciate the last moments here. To bask in the sun. To dream. To cry. To laugh. To smile. To crash or burn ... but to above all to be young and to live it up in Belgium. And ... I did it. I have lived this past few weeks like they are my last and only... because they are! I have appreciated every sunny afternoon and rainy day here and made it into something that nobody could ever take from me. I miss my family and friends so much, but the memories I am making this Summer are something that is bigger than big. That probably doesn't make sense, but that is okay! What I have experienced this whole year... doesn't make sense! There is no way I can answer the question that I know everyone is going to ask me soon, "Hey! Mallory! How was Belgium?" There is no way I can answer it like when I spent a week in Spain or when I went skiing in the Alps... you can't explain this! You just can't narrow it down to "Super", "Amazing", or "Tres Bien"... that is just a weak expression to explain a life changing experience. You respond with those expressions when your mom asks you how you like the new dinner platter she has made... not when someone asks you how you life has been the past 11 and a half months! Maybe this blog can attempt capture all the things I have been through... but my words don't do it justice. I am so thankful I have had this opportunity... that I have had the support... that I have realized what is important to me... that I know who I was, who I am, and who I want to be. I'm so thankful and I'm so young! I have so much I want to do with my life! I have this new hunger for life that I never had before. I felt one time like this before ... and it soon faded once I got back to reality. I don't want it to fade. This feeling isn't going to fade... the flame is going to keep burning. My flame. I am the dream, no other way to be.I just got back from a huge concert here in Belgium called Les Ardentes. This is a famous rock and electro festival that brings p
eople from all over Europe to Liege just to experience this epic Summer festival. The lineup is insane! Sum 41, Limp Bizkit, CAKE, Kate Nash, Snoop Dogg, The Subways, Mr. Oizo, The Human League, Ayo, These New Puritans, Stromae, Joan as Police Woman, Cocoon, Sophie Hunger, Kele, Borgore, Junip, Avi Buffalo, Flux Pavilion, DJ Koze, Keziah Jones, Agoria, Sexy Sushi, Ozark Henry, Joris Voorn, Arno, Adrian Lux, Selah Sue, Ben Klock, Puggy, Chapel Club, Technasia, Florent Marchet, Discodeine, An Pierle & White Velvet, Lucy Love, Suarez, Jakwob, Gable, The Krays, Mumbai Science, Art Department, HighBLoo, AKS, Sierra Sam, Hoquets, sinus george, and MIKA. That is a lot of artists! Maybe you have only heard of a few of them or none at all... but it is impressive none the less. Everyone loves coming to Belgium because of the amazing ambiance that these people can create... seriously! Belgium has the highest population density in Europe... so when an artist comes to Belgium he/she knows that people will show up! Show up to have a good time and keep the party going! I don't even think that America has this ... or does it?! If it does... please let me know because after this festival there is no other way to experience music! This festival was just... epic? I think that is a good word to use. Besides the fact that it was absolutely amazinggggg... it was totally free for me! Well... I mean I worked with my 4 good friends from 8-12 for 3 days directing traffic... but still it was free! I had to work 12 h
ours ... which to be honest, we did absolutely nothing since the festival started at noon! The only thing we really did during the 4 hours while we were working was gossiping and playing cards... and working on our Summer tans. Seriously. It was amazing. The whole reason I stayed later than everyone else, the whole reason I have been able to endure goodbyes, and the whole reason I am happy... is because of this festival. And I still have one more to do! It just made my dreams come true. It was more than I could ever have imagined it being. It was another camping thing like for Beach Days, but my host mom didn't want us to camp there so we came home every night around 1. A normal day included us working from 8-12 then having a free lunch (since we were volunteers) and then going to concerts all afternoon or hanging out in the camping site and then eating a wonderful, fast-food meal (seriously, wonderful) then going to concerts until 1 in the morning. Welcome to my life. There was an Open Air stage and an indoor stage as well...
it was really well planned. The last night was the night that MIKA performed (and for those of you who don't know about MIKA ... he is like a cooler version of Prince withe some killer vocals. Born in Lebanon and grew up in Paris during the war... very cultural). When MIKA started performing... something just happened to me. I just felt on top of the world. I'm not even that big of a fan of MIKA! Something just touched me that night. I had my best friends on my left and a new, cute boy on my right and in front of me was this amazing performance ... it just hit me like a ton of bricks that this is my life. I chose this life. I am living my dreams! I couldn't stop smiling! I didn't want the moment to end! My moment at this concert... my moment in Belgium... my moment in this crazy world! I can't even capture my feelings into a grammatical sentence haha So, I will just leave it at this... Les Ardentes was Kick Ass.I'm ready to take on Francofolies (20th - 24th). I think this will be the perfect ending to a perfect year. To my year.
These next few days are going to be spent with my Belge Besties and making the most of these last moments together. I'm having a little going away thing with the girls this Thursday.. which is the day of independence for France (Bastille Day). So, we are going to meet up in the afternoon and maybe do some shopping and have a cocktail then go out to dinner and then watch the fireworks at night... :) I'm excited. But... I know I'm going to cry like a baby. Noemie was at the festival with us and she was saying that her favorite band (Suarez) was going to be in Brussels September 3. She was super excited and turned to me and was like, "Mallory! You have to come!" I got really excited and was about to say "Hell yes" and then we both suddenly stopped smiling and just looked at each other... the thought of me actually going home and that I won;t be here hasn't hit any of us. I'm so much a part o
f this group of girls... the thought of me not doing the same things as them this fall and them not seeing me practically everyday doesn't even make sense. It didn't hit me until she said that... that I'm leaving them and I have no idea when I will see them next. Without them... I wouldn't be who I am today and I wouldn't have had this amazing year with them. Justine, Tersia, Delphine, Louisa, Laura, Tiffany, Noemie, and Laurence... These are the girls I have spent my lunches with talking about boys, spent my weekends with, lived with, shared my secrets with, cried with, laughed so hard with... I'm so thankful they found me and I found them. I'm going to spend my last days basking in their presence ... :)I'm getting emotional so I think I'm going to say Goodbye to you now... I'm not going to say this is the last blog but I think it will be the last blog written in Belgium... bon appetit my faithful followers. Thank you again for listening to me :)
All for now!
Mallo
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